i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
