Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize