im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
