My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
