sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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