I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize