he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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