I should be sponsored by Trojan
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
