I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
