if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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