Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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