Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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