Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
