I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize