Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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