it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
