I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
