You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
there was a trapeze. enough said
she smelled like a LAN party
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
