yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
