You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He shit in the fireplace
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
