he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
