He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
