I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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