Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
