We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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