i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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