All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
