in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
