Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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