Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
