Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
