Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
