I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
