Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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