you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
