i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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