then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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