Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize