you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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