i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
