i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
