I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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