You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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