I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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