Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
