I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
