the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
