I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
