I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
