Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i think i have herpe
just one?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm bleeding and have questions
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
