Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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