I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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