Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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