No more Irish car bombs ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
