bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
