I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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