i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
