so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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