wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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