Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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