Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
