You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ketchup is God's man juice
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
