mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
