I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
