so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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