Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
