Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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