i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
