Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
