I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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