somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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