did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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