yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
