she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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