Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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