just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think a kid would responsible me up
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
