what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
