dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
