I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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