i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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