Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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