booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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