just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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