Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
