God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
