Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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