Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
