You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize