You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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