I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
