she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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