I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
