if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
