Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
