He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the day after is always just damage control
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
