More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You don't make any sense
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