apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
