Umm I'm too high to move.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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