THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
