if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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