I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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