I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
