i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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